As I begin my 5th month of the PhD program, the question of dissertations and topics and areas of study has begun to visit my thoughts in moments such as this.

I am now at the point where I’ve read quite a number of theoretical perspectives, particularly in the area of human development. Each of these theorists, whether well known thinkers such as Jung, Freud, or Maslow, or lesser recognized names such as Vygotsky, or more contemporary writers such as Kegan, have something important to add to the conversation.

Perhaps it is a tribute to our partisan American Idol culture where the first response upon encountering a major work or theorist is to “rate it”. We pass judgment on Freud as “too focused on infantile sexuality” and “somewhat dated”. We consider Maslow too “light” and not concerned with the more complex and contradictory elements of the psyche. Then we decide Jung is “too dark” and mystical in his orientation.

Of course it is inherent in being a PhD student to read, reflect and respond. There is, however, hubris in dismissing a theorist after being introduced to one of their works without understanding the climate in which they wrote or the impact of their ideas. Likewise, we run the risk of becoming quickly enamored with a particular writer or shool of thought. In becoming infatuated with Jung, like an idealized lover we compare all readings that follow to the favored theorist.

You can’t dance to Jung nor does it make sense to rate him or any other theorists in a posthumous beauty contest. What I seek to discover, over the next few months, is my place in the conversation so that I may contribute my own thoughts and ideas and insights to the discussion.

I will not be so hasty to judge those whose work built the foundation upon which I stand, lest I forget that the day will come when it is my own turn to be rated by those who follow me.

When we are young, time seems an ocean, where the days stretch out beyond the furthest horizon.

When we grow to the point where we are ready to head out into the world, we find that our days seem filled not of our choosing with demands and responsibilities.

We reach a mid-point of our journey and know that the horizon is still far away, but we become aware that there is a horizon and that our days are not unlmited.

Sometimes we feel the passage of time in our own bodies, sometimes we see it in the mirror and sometimes we see it reflected in those around us.

Some of us, like Dr. Randy Pausch, are only too aware that we are given a finite number of days. Perhaps those gray hairs and age spots come to remind us to live fully.

Whether the horizon is far in the distance or is drawing near, today is the day to be true to who we are.

In being granted this gift of life, we have already won the lottery. The question is how we will spend our winnings.

This week I received a corporate communication (ie, memo by e-mail) soliciting suggestions from employees as to what the company could do to “move up” in the Fortune 500 list of the largest firms. Momentarily setting aside my rant about the fallacy of mistaking quantity for quality, I was most surprised by the suggestions posted by other employees and by the enthusiasm that exists for cost control, outsourcing and corporate profiteering

The question and responses made me ponder the differences between questions and answers from an MBA perspective compared with a PhD point of view. An MBA might respond based upon market opportunities overseas or operational efficiency where a PhD might start from the scholarly concept of “to thine own self be true.”

 A PhD answer might read something like this:

Companies that sustain long term success are those that know what they are about and find ways to do it better than anyone else. Success is not found in imitation or best practices, but rather in authenticity. The pursuit of growth for the sake of growth or the desire to achieve a higher ranking represents a superficial measure of accomplishment. Meaning is found in what the organization contributes to employees, customers and investors. Very simply, employees want a positive environment, a chance to learn, and to be treated with dignity and respect. Customers want good products and services provided from a trusted partner that has their interest at heart.  Investors want a focused and energized company that is forward thinking, responsive and ethical. In short, it takes a heart, a brain and courage.

If someone asked your creative orientation, you might find the question perplexing. You might wonder what the categories of creative practice were and further might ask who determined the categories.  At the same time, we accept categorizations in other aspects of life from our political affiliation (liberal or conservative) to religious beliefs to sexual orientation.

When we accept the labels that are given to us, we begin to limit our own thinking.  It is not a question of “thinking outside of the box”, but of moving beyond the need to create and populate boxes in the first place.  To the extent that it is convenient to use generalities to describe ourselves (for example, I tend to be an optimist rather than a pessimist) it is important to realize that it is we who define the categories rather than the categories that define us.

There are days where the sun is high overhead and we see no signs of shadow and think, perhaps, that it is the stuff of myth.

Shadow does not disappear but waits for those moments of twilight, dusk and dawn to cast its darkness upon our path.

We invite the shadow with all that we hide from the light - with our lies and our excuses and with all that we deny.

This was my week to pass through the shadowlands and to see the unseen, to do the undone and to mention the unmentionable. It is quite a daunting journey and not one for the faint of heart.

The shadow whispers to us not always in words, but in dreams and signs and symbols, in tarot cards and in the midnight hour. We do not choose the ways that the shadow speaks within us, but we must decide whether to heed the truth or to try futilely to flee its reach.